My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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