i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
