So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
