if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
