Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
