Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
