Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
