Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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