thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
