i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
