I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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