the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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