i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
