I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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