yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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