Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
