her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
