I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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