Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
