No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
