people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
