mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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