Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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