Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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