Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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