I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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