Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
