so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
