1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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