i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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