shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
