mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
