After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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