I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
