Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
