***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
