Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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