After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
