I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
