She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
