some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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