The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No subtext here. People are naked.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
