Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
