I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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