don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
