if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Panties = found
Randomize
