Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
