season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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