Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy sore nipples Batman
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
