Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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