i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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