Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
not ubering you a puppy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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