it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
