I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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