dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
