Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
