I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
