Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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