And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
