and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
