none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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