I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
