What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
