listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
