dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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