The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
