I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
