i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
