Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
