just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
