she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
