Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
